Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
