i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
