i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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