update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
