She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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