Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
