No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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