Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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