So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
