I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
