Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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