I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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