I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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