Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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