She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
