i don't like sucking hair
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
