I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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