I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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