Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
