My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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