he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
they're like a gay fantastic four
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
