You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
