I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize