I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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