You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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