Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
