'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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