Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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