who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
