I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
