Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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