She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
