You can't motorboat a personality
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
