Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
