where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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