his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
