if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
