I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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