ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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