I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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