That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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