I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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