were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize