Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
