I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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