we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
