Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
