You're earring is so big in my mouth
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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