i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
