im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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