I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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