Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
