when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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