Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
