allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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