I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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