At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
