You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
