Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think my moral compass just broke
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