splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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